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Parent Category: Onstage

Former NBA player Etan Thomas is all the proof anyone needs that indeed there is such a thing as a “Second Act” in life. His smooth transition from the sports stage to an even larger role as writer, poet, radio personality and activist is an inspiration not only for youth, but also his former peers and countless parents across the nation. He is making an important contribution to social discourse about a number of issues that badly need discussion, but his passion has been the role of fatherhood and how responsible choices by men can have a profound effect on the lives of their children and by extension the society they grow up in. With his permission we dedicate this week’s #ThoughtfulThursday to this critical issue by republishing an excerpt from a speech he made at a panel discussion that addressed Fatherhood. Please read the full address and his other work at his website etanthomas.com.    

A Fatherhood Movement

 Since the release of my book “Fatherhood: Rising To The Ultimate Challenge” last year, I have traveled the country to encourage young people that they can be anything they want to be in life no matter what their circumstances. It always amazes me how much hearing that message from an athlete or rapper or actor they recognize resonates with them. It’s the reason why I started a fatherhood movement and connected with a wide a range of men to give personal accounts about responsibility, triumphs, struggles and what it takes for young people to succeed.

This Fatherhood Movement has been rapidly growing and what’s reaffirming is that the young men who we encounter want to do something with their lives - they want to make the right decisions; they want to have an impact on the world. They just are looking for guidance. That fact is sometimes lost on many who still see young people as the scourge of society. But at a recent fatherhood panel during the NBA All Star Weekend- which featured Pastors Joel Osteen and Carl Lentz, current and former basketball stars Dwayne Wade, Allan Houston and Michael Redd - I was encouraged that so many young people are craving the answers to life’s challenges. Moderated by CNN’s Soledad O’Brien and held at the Lakewood Church in Houston, the panel attracted thousands. I stayed afterwards talking to people young and old for about two hours as I signed books and took pictures.

Indeed, an unfortunate reality is that these types of events are usually not covered by the mainstream media. It seems that mainstream media outlets only want to focus on the negative things that athletes do, not the life affirming things many of us engage in daily. It’s not something plastered on the front of the morning newspapers. But had any of these athletes done anything negative that sure would have been a top story. That’s why we have to hold the media accountable to show a balance of positive stories because young people are watching. Many of the young people who attended the event were from single family households. Each panelist discussed fatherhood from a different perspective. But I wanted the young people to know that while there are many negative statistics about the outcomes for families headed by a single parent, that should not stop any one of them from reaching their potential.

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Parent Category: Onstage

The other day I was speaking with a good friend who was afraid to undertake a new venture because she feared making a mistake and not being perfect.  I shared that some of the most successful people in the world found achievement because they made mistakes.  I know it sounds cliché, but how could we learn to be our best selves if there weren't those missteps that caused us to change and grow? Based on my experiences, I've realized that the biggest 'mistakes' we could make' are those that limit our possibilities.  The following list highlights the potential ‘mistakes’ we make and contains lessons to grow and learn from.

1.  Becoming a creature of habit - saying no instead of saying yes

We can all become creatures of habit.  Many of us wake up, go to work, come home, cook dinner, and prepare for the next day.  We do this for five days out of the week, and on the fifth day we pray for the weekend to come a little bit faster.  Thrown in the mix are infrequent happy hours, dinner parties, or random dates.   Sometimes we can become so comfortable in our routines that we miss out on opportunities that are staring us in the face.  We say no to potentially life changing events because they might disrupt what we are used to.  How many times have we said no to potential friendships, job opportunities, love interests, new hobbies because we don’t see the value they can bring to our lives?  This is not to advise that we should say yes to everything, like Jim Carrey’s character in the film Yes Man, because that would be exhausting.  Rather it suggests that we should find ways to allow more of the good things to come into our lives, despite inclinations to turn down opportunities.

Suggestions for taking the first steps toward change:

Make a commitment to changing something about your daily schedule for a week – take a different route to work or school, eat outside for lunch, or join a friend for an exercise class.

If someone asks you to do something exciting, yet out of your comfort zone, say yes and follow through.

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Parent Category: Onstage

Poet, writer, artist and entrepreneur Dasha Kelly is the founder of the arts program Still Waters Collective which utilizes creative writing and spoken word to shape confidence and leadership with youth across southeastern Wisconsin. She has performed on HBO’s Def Jam and her writings have been published in anthologies, text books, magazines, and online. She will be performing tonight in DC at Spit Dat, the acclaimed open mic series that recurs each Thursday at Emergence Community Arts Collective (ECAC), 733 Euclid Street, NW. Below is an excerpt from her poem “Home Alone”. ..
 
Except from “Home Alone” by Dasha Kelly

When I’m alone, in my mirror, I make myself promises

I promise more movies, fewer emails, longer baths, new words

I promise to keep my heart in my left hand, so it can be free

but I can still keep watch, such a rambunctious thing

Some of these are promises in progress

I make them all in good faith

I am good faith when I’m alone

I am peace when I’m alone

I am beautiful

I am wise

I am gentle

I am quiet

So surprisingly quiet

I am listening to the murmur, moaning and meandering of my thoughts

I am floating when I’m alone

I am smearing foodstuffs on my face and in my hair

I am flossing and exfoliating

Peering into the eyes of the anxious preteen who refuses to leave me

I am welcoming a new face that is mine, but not really 

I spend a lot of time in the mirror, these days

An exercise that feels exactly like prayer 

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Parent Category: Onstage

It ain’t loving if you’re losing
Pieces of your soul
It ain’t smart to keep holding on
When you need to let go

No matter how you turn it over
Brass ain’t the same as gold
And anyway, half the time, what we’re
Trying to find is basically unexplainable

They say pain is the other side of joy
It’s not
And arguing is healthy
But what makes that true?

They’ll tell you love is unconditional
Then brief you on their rules
Keep a scorecard on you
Have you feeling like a fool

It ain’t loving if you’re losing
Emotional stability, time, or your health
Just something you tried to do...
Turned out not to be the right love for you