by J. Francis Black
Most of us have gone through at least one deeply disappointing experience, such as going through a breakup or divorce, losing a much needed job; hearing bad news, having a much anticipated opportunity slip through our fingers, realizing we've accepted an opportunity that wasn't in our best interest, or feeling unsupported by friends and family for a decision we've made. As we go through these experiences it could feel as if we've entered into a tunnel without a light at the end, or like a magic carpet has been pulled out from under us mid-flight. We might go through a spectrum of emotions, such as anger, anxiety, denial, frustration, hurt, fear and grief that make us wonder “when will my life change for the better,” or “when will I start to feel like myself again?” When the tumult of emotions subside, we may discover that we had a magical parachute to protect our fall or a bright light at the end of the darkened passage, yet find ourselves wondering where we will land or who we will be on the other side. Below are lessons on how to continue moving forward in the wake of a deeply disappointing experience.
1. Accept, feel and process your emotions
Although we overcome our disappointing experiences, there may be occasions when we find ourselves reliving old hurts, frustrations, fears, anxieties and angers. These moments may be set off by unexpected emotional triggers that catch us unawares and off-guard. We may go through old keepsakes to find something that remind of an old flame, or remember that the anniversary of a significant and traumatic event will arrive in a matter of days. Suddenly, we are back in that dark tunnel, wondering if we've truly moved on and forward. However, we do not experience our feelings linearly, meaning that we do not go from feeling sad to content to overwhelmingly joyful. One moment we could be happy, and the next moment waves of sadness may wash over us. Yet, rising above our disappointing experiences does not require us to run from those times of sadness, or anger, or fear, but to embrace them as part of our human existence. Embrace these feelings, while asking, “How long do I want to stay in this place filled with these overwhelming emotions - for an hour, a day, a week?” And then, once we've given ourselves the time we need to truly feel, and learn the lessons that our emotions are trying to teach us, we can continue to move forward.
2. Treasure your silver linings.
When we've come out on the other side of a deeply disappointing experience, it’s sometimes all too easy to keep moving forward without considering the beautiful lessons that life has taught us. We might lose one job to then realize what we are truly passionate about, go through a challenging experience that reveals an inner strength we didn't realize we possessed, or discover that new and better relationships enter our lives once we've given the space for the old ones to exit. Treasuring your silver linings means that you grant yourself the ability to recognize that your experiences can have a profound and positive impact on your life, even if they were hurtful or disappointing.
3. Honor your transformations.
After we've prevailed over a deeply disappointing experience, we may find ourselves changed. We might find that we no longer hold on to certain values and beliefs we've had about ourselves and others, make decisions that seem out of character, or adopt new hobbies and lifestyles. Yet, although our life experiences have the power to transform us and our reality, it doesn't necessarily mean that undergoing change is always an easy process for us or our loved ones. The aftermath of our disappointing experiences may show us that we want to strike onto a new life path or that an old way of doing something no longer works, which are choices that challenge the status quo of our lives. However, honoring our transformations mean that we do not resist changes for the sake of the status quo, but rather allow them to gradually unfold within our lives.
J. Francis Black is a certified life coach with a master's degree in social work. Please share how you have overcome deeply disappointing experiences in the comments section. Also, share this post with your friends and loved ones if you feel that this is something that speaks to them. If you are interested in receiving a free 30 minute life coaching consultation, please contact me.