by J. Francis Black
In the past, I had the tendency to fixate on aspects of my life until they’d snowball into full-blown obsessions. I found myself preoccupied with mini dramas that related to my relationships, or lack thereof, with a significant other; familial relationships; and my jobs as they related to me doing, or not doing, meaningful and compelling work. These things – love, family, and work - are known to me as ‘My Personal Trifecta’. Many phone conversations, lunch dates, and happy hours were filled with endless conversations about one or all of the not so positive aspects of this trifecta – discussing who did what, where, and with who. This was in addition to the persistent thoughts, internal monologues, and arguments I constantly had with myself about these parts of my life. I'd ask myself endless questions like, did I do the right things, should I have said what I said, what's wrong with them, what's wrong with me.
After a while, I felt so… tired. At first I attributed my fatigue to the idea that these elements of my life that I obsessed over were draining my battery. I was repeatedly having the same circular conversations with people dealing with their own trifectas, snowballs, and full-blown obsessions. Then I’d come home to quietly deal with my own negative thoughts, attitudes, and fixations about my life and the lives of others. I felt these things were stealing my time and internal resources away.
However, I now realize that my energy wasn't being stolen, but was given away to the thoughts, beliefs, conversations, relationships, and situations that did not positively replenish or feed my heart, mind, and spirit. And, it occurred to me, “What are all of the wonderful things I could think about, do, and accomplish if I wasn't fixating on and giving my energy to all of the supposed dramas that make up my life? What truly feeds my soul?” All of a sudden, I found that I could choose to relinquish the grip that negative and obsessive thoughts had on my heart, mind and spirit. Of course, this is not always the easiest thing to do as the joys and dramas of life seem boundless, and it is difficult to release old and comforting thought and behavioral patterns.
Yet, I realized that if we can practice letting go of what no longer serves us, we may be able to create spaces within ourselves to accept what works for our greatest good. Below are some tips to practice to let go of the negative thoughts that may consume our minds.
Tip 1: Limit or avoid repetitive conversations (in person, over the phone, or online) that make you feel powerless, drained, angry, or overwhelmed.
Tip 2: Mediate or practice mindfulness to gain greater awareness of how your thoughts impact your feelings and behaviors.
Tip 3: For every negative thought you have about a person, circumstance, or event, attempt to replace it with two positive ones.
Tip 4: Make a list of the triggers that lead to the negative thoughts that cause you obsess over an aspect of your life. Under each trigger write down a coping strategy.
Tip 5: Become involved in activities that reflect a more positive state of mind, such as exercise, painting, or dance classes, volunteering, singing, or writing.
J. Francis Black is a certified life coach with a master's degree in social work. If you've experienced and overcome obsessive or negative thoughts in the past, please share your experiences in the comments section. Also, share this post with your friends and loved ones if you feel that this is something that speaks to them. If you are interested in receiving a free 30 minute life coaching consultation, please contact me.