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#ThoughtfulThursday - 8 Lessons Learned from Failed Relationships That No One Will Tell You, So I Will

image of the words 8 lessonsBy J. Francis Black

When relationships end with significant others or friends, we are often left wondering how to pick up the pieces. We turn to friends and family who offer kind messages and sage advice on how to move on with our lives, but there are overlooked lessons we forget about as we process our breakups. Below are key lessons about failed relationships that no one will tell you about.


1.Over analysis is the enemy of progress.

When a relationship ends, we may spend countless hours dissecting countless situations in an attempt to discover what went wrong. Our minds act like detectives, revisiting scenes and hypothetical situations to find clues and witnesses that attest to what caused the relationship’s end. We recruit friends to become therapists, as we relentlessly analyze our feelings about the one who is no longer a part of our lives. The hours we spend examining and re-examining the past are part of the healing process, but overdoing it can prevent us from living in the present and moving toward the future. Instead of spending hours trying to understand why a relationship ended, we can spend some of that time better understanding who we are without that person in our lives.

2. Treat yourself how you want others to treat you.

If we leave a failed relationship feeling demoralized, disheartened and undervalued, we may also question if anyone will ever love and value our qualities, quirks and specialness (of course the answer to that is yes, someone will). Rather than looking to others to validate what makes us lovable and unique, we have to look in the mirror and start with ourselves. Treating ourselves the way we want others treat us means that we give ourselves compassion, love, patience and care. It also means that we create moments and experiences where we are able to shine and be our best selves.

3. Don’t fall into the blame game trap.

When we end a relationship with someone, we may try to assign blame by pointing fingers at ourselves or the other person involved. When we blame the other person, we can find ourselves getting angry or feeling justified for our own mistakes and transgressions. When the finger is pointed at ourselves, we feel guilt and shame, wondering if it was our own doing that caused the breakup. Yet, each perspective prevents us from understanding the key factors that contributed to a relationship ending, and from learning important lesson that can be used to strengthen current and future relationships.

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10 Questions 4 MC Frantastic

MC FrantasticPeople who are familiar with the #FrantasticBrand probably know you best for your poignant, sometimes irreverent, always very straight to the point social media postings. What else should everyone know about your background in the entertainment industry?

“LOL. I would hope that before people judge me based on some of the either very tawdry, naughtily direct, or comical stances that I take on social media that they would get to know the Francine behind all of it. I’m the daughter of two Marines. I was definitely raised to assert my opinion, be it received well or not. Ha-ha, with that said… I am California born and a Jacksonville, Florida native. I grew up in the epicenter of all things party! I was that girl who, even before I was 18, went to teen clubs to watch how the bartenders operated, what the DJs did, the doorman, the bouncers, etc. I was completely immersed in the club life before I was even legal to take it in. For many years I’ve devoted my life to being a networker and socialite. I’ve dated famous DJs, even been a bartender for over 15 years on the side. Also, a little known fact about me is I am a trained ballroom dance teacher and a former competitive Latin Ballroom dancer. When I say I’m involved in so many different facets in the arts and entertainment industry I’m not kidding.

A few years ago I was working in a bar in small town VA and the DJ came over and said he was doing a radio show and asked me to be a part of it. It was like a The View style show with five women. Needless to say, five women on one panel each week stating their own basic opinions about relationships, love, life, whatever, doesn’t last very long. But for a while it was a hit in underground VA and my fans really showed love and support. But I got a lot of heat from my fellow women and eventually I was given my own show. At the same time I was throwing parties in VA and traveling to DC promoting for clubs like Ultra Bar and some other smaller bars.

My show turned out to be a hit and eventually through networking and social media DC radio came calling. My now “All-Star DMV” co-host and partner, DJ Yello, literally plucked me from radio obscurity and asked me if I would like to be involved in a radio show about underground music. Two and a half years later the rest is history. To this date I’ve been a part of five radio shows. It’s definitely a great run and I’m very proud seeing as how I have no background education in broadcast journalism whatsoever. My life has been one of people giving me opportunities and chances because of their belief in me.  And each time I have managed to take that opportunity and soar. I’m appreciative of radio and the old DC club promotion game because it opened the door to many more amazing philanthropic adventures and hosting and voice-over opportunities. I’ve met hundreds of artists and have been a part of multiple charitable foundations and functions, and made countless connections. I am truly blessed.

You’re working on a project; the DMV All-Star Mixtape, that’s created a lot of buzz locally. How did the idea come about, and who are some of the folks you’re collaborating with to pull that together? 

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